the dude is now

in india, there is always the dude. the auto driver always has his friend hanging out, there's always the guy on the bus who seems to know the driver, always groups of men hanging out with each other sitting on the street. beyond just the dude, men seem to have a very special bond with each other. men holding hands on the street, behaving close and affectionate, is very common (whereas seeing men holding hands with women is pretty uncommon). the corresponding relationship seems largely to not exist between women, or at least to a much lesser degree. i'm not sure what the cause is (homosexuality is societally unaccepted)... i think it has a lot to do with the structure of society.. men seem to have much more free time than women... or at least, a lot more public free time... and maybe the male-male affection fills a hole not filled by marriage, which often seems a bit like a more functional relationship...?

speaking of marriage, it took me a while to realize that most marriages here simply function totally differently than what we think of as marriage... the expectation is completely different, the relationship doesn't serve the same purpose... they are effectively a totally different thing... and yet societally they have a very similar place and importance. i should say, i'm speaking of arranged marriages (which are juxtaposed in india against "love marriages"). marriage arrangement is still very common and happens at all levels of society (although dowries supposedly don't exist anymore, it seems like they can also still be important, mostly for lower classes). in a way, it seems like marriage here, as i mentioned above, is a very functional relationship. getting married is something that just happens when you reach a certain age... find a suitable match and it happens (A right person at THE right time rather than THE right person at A right time...maybe?).... it's a stage of life, something that happens. the relationship between husband and wife (at least initially) is a functional one (they could be nearly complete strangers); the expectations are therefore totally different. in some ways i feel like it's a healthier (or maybe realistic?) view of the relationship than how we view it in the west, where we idealize marriage as finding your soulmate/the person who completes you, etc... which seems to me (yes, i am cynical...very) to almost set itself up to fail. not that indian weddings always succeed... certainly there are innumerable examples where it doesn't work, and the lack of empowerment of brides (at least historically) resulted in a lot of nightmarish situations. but it's just interesting to think about completely different approaches to this relationship which is considered so pivotal in both cultures.

finally, a brief return to the ant issue... they eat everything! they seem to just choose/find something at random and completely take it over... there's not much that's more annoying after taking a shower than finding your towel full of tiny biting ants. ha. after twice returning to chennai from traveling to find infestations of my laptop (AHHH!) (and once of my bassoon case (AAHHH!!), luckily they were more interested in chewing on the foam of the case than the instrument), i think i've finally found a way to keep things safe: chalk for cockroach killing. seems to have quelled the onslaught well so far... maybe a little too well... i just hope i'm not poisoning myself in the process...